we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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