The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
