I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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