i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize