im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize