I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
