I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
