If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ttyl tear gas
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
