This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
