Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
