You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
