I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
