I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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