I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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