He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
