Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
