We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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