i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
