I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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