your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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