did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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