That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
