the condom got lost in my hair
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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