Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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