I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize