you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
