Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
