I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
