the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
