i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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