Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
