Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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