i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
