Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
