he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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