The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
