is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
They have beer where we have blood.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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