my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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