Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
two words: eviction party
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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