Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
