I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
