During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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