He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
