Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
