this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
