$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
