i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
