ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
