guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
