My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You dont lie about slip and slides
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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