she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
