Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your penis caused this!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
