did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
