All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
