just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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