sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
