Screwed.edu
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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