very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
