needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
