Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
