Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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