so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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