i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
