Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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