happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
