i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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