i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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