My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
