I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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