oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
