my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
