I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
