we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
