What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
