shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
