it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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