oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
