I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We got so high we made milksteak
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
