How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize