if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
