dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i dont even know how to be here
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
