That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
